This last month has been a wild wild ride. About 3 weeks ago I was traveling home from an appointment with my accountant. I had pleanty of time to get home, in fact, I was headed home to shoot a commercial for my athlete Mo’s, hubby Jeff. I was excited and intrigued as to what it would entail. He needed someone super cheesy…and the only person he could think of was me. Ha!
I was about a mile from home, when all of the sudden my cars airbag was blowing up in front of my face. I saw nothing, I was driving and then I was in a crash. It turns out a lady, who was 87, and stopped at a side street, did not see me ambling along and she thought it was clear to pull out into traffic to make a left turn and smack, zero warning….it’s still a blur.
She was okay, I was okay. We both walked away from the accident. My airbag deployed and I hyperventilated for several minutes, then some panic set in, then numbness, then some anger, mixed with a bit of apathy, and then after it had all been dealt with and I was back home in bed, a ton of sadness. Lots and lots of sadness. I’m so thankful for Troy and for Jeff who came to my rescue since we only have one car. I was afraid I would have to uber home.
About 2 minutes after the accident, when I regained control of my breath, my first thought was “The universe wants me to slow down.”
2015 will forever be in my mind the year I birthed Rising Tide Triathlon Coaching. I worked harder on this business than I did any Ironman ever! We have 4 coaches, and a 5th coming on soon. We have a nutrition world expert coming on soon, and our first camp is coming in March. We are also all women. We coach women and men, but we have firmly embraced the feminine communal approach to coaching and it’s pretty rock solid awesome. I’ve been working a ton on RTTC, sometimes in a million different directions, and that collision of cars was a wake up call.
My daughter wasn’t with me in the car…and neither was Lolli. Troy and I have been so thankful for that so many times. I cried big tears the first time Troy said “At least Annie wasn’t with you.” It’s so true. I’ll take any sort of pain willingly to spare my daughter.
In the weeks following we had to roll with a ton more punches. We had some really lousy service from State Farm, they said my Honda Element wasn’t totaled, then they came back and said it was totaled. Honda Elements have been discontinued. We had a 2010 with about 70k miles on it, we planned to drive it to 250K, we love that thing. Replacement cost is about $16k – $17k for same model, same miles. They are cutting us a check for a little under $13k, that’s how it goes right? I can buy another Element, for $13k…it will have 110K miles and be a 2007. I feel like that 87 year old woman just stole four grand from me. I know it was an accident, but I really feel anger towards her and I am not an angry person in general.
The insurance company lied about requesting the police report, lied about it not being done, lied about saying the other drivers phone number was disconnected, lied that they couldn’t’ get ahold of the witness. It’s been so strange, so I think I’m being taught the lesson of “double check all facts”… or rather… have Troy double check all facts… hahahh!!! Lolli wears her seatbelt now…I’m kidding, she wears it because it makes the rental car stop beeping. I’ve looked at dog seat belts and none of them seem tested… anyone know about this?
We looked at taking the Element elsewhere to get fixed and to pay for that out of pocket, but it’s not a good idea. It’s title would be salvage, it’s a loss, a loss I gotta let go of.
And really, that’s been a theme of 2016 so far. I had some loss in 2015, and I just pushed on, training, new business, new friends, stay busy, keep your nose down, like a bee, be productive, get stuff done, build things, train, train, cook, cook, mom, mom. Then 2016 happened and I started to feel the loss set in. And I know this year is about getting on the other side of it. Loss sucks.
Life ebbs and flows and the lessons never end. Once you are over one, you might get a reward, a reprieve. Or you might stay busy and ignore, put off, etc. This car crash forced me to slow down, the physical stuff set in the next day (Holy Moly….like I lifted weights for 2 hours in the gym…every single muscle in my body…and oh my goodness on the seatbelt bruising), and the emotional stuff was pretty close behind. My acupuncturist said that sometimes we get in accidents because we need treatment. Well put, eh?
Troy and I sat down to decide what to do about the car and we couldn’t decide. We are both in the middle of work stress, life stress, training stress, accident stress, and we couldn’t for the life of us figure out what we wanted to do. Buy a better car? Cash out stock. Troy and I have a family rule that we only buy cars for cash, well, we really only buy everything for cash, except the house…we still owe the man on that, but not for long. A car loan isn’t something we are willing to entertain, so the only options on the table were ones that we could afford for cash. State Farm won’t tell us when they are getting us a check for our car, but they have told us our rental car coverage runs out Friday. We also leave for Costa Rica on Friday. We didn’t want to cancel our trip to CR to use the money for a car, but it was an option on the table for awhile.
Sometimes, despite your best intentions, and due to the rules you have for your own life, you find yourself in a corner. It’s not a corner anyone else can understand, because people make all sorts of different rules and decisions for their own lives, but we all still find ourselves in a corner sometimes.
For Troy and I, that corner meant that we now have a car we call “Grandpa Joe” in our life. We took the cash we had in our checking account, took to craigslist and bought Grandpa Joe. The purpose of Grandpa Joe is to get us from where we are now (indecisive, kinda wounded, and with minimal cash on hand), to where we will be in a few months time (more calm, more collected, more able to make long term decisions, more money saved up). Grandpa Joe was born in 2002 and has a lot of miles on him (A LOT), but he’s safe, he can fit a bike box, he was owned by a mechanic who said we can call him anytime, and will probably run for another 100K miles if we want him to. Heck he’s a Volvo, he may run for 200K more. Now that I see the photo, Grandpa Joe doesn’t look so bad. Troy kept calling him our “beater car” so I had to name him so Troy would stop, because no car wants to be called a beater. We bought him in the parking lot of a Dollar Tree, a fact that does not go unnoticed.
Grandpa Joe was the only decision Troy and I felt we could make in our current situation. And once we brought Grandpa Joe home, we instantly knew it was the right choice for today. His well worn leather seats are the kind you just sink into, and he’s a cruiser. We listen to Sinatra in Grandpa Joe. Grandpa Joe gives us some time and space to think about how we want to move forward without doing something financially drastic in the short term.
As I make my way through this year I’m actually really intrigued. I’ve spent a lot of years knowing what I was in for. Another training block, another go at Kona, do the same as last year, just MORE of it. This year is a total WHO KNOWS? I want to understand more about the loss I am going through, and I continue to work daily on setting stronger boundaries, and asserting myself in business and life. The training is picking back up slowly after the crash, but because of RTTC I don’t think I will ever be able to maintain the volume I once was able too, and I’m feeling some loss over that fact as well. It’s all a big mystery and I think I have some challenging years ahead if I’m to be honest.
One thing I know, okay two things I know. One, I have Troy and Annie and they are part of my soul, our relationships are stronger than ever, and two I really miss writing on my blog. I redesigned it today, with a bit of a fresh look to make me happy, and figured out my login (doh). I know this year, that making a little more time for the little things I love will be really important. Sometimes, if you wait until your life is back in an upswing to blog about it, you take months off. But I think that maybe I will just be okay with moaning a bit here, and keeping it as real as I feel comfortable with.