My schedule dictated a longer run today, somewhere in the 4 hour range. I had this grand plan, one I’ve never tried. I could get up uber-early and start running before the sun came up. Then Troy could take Annie to school at 9, and I could return from my run to grab the car and pick her up by 11:30. Call it one-car family creativeness.
I have a confession.
And I don’t want to confess it, because this week alone I have been referred to as “Sarah Connor without the mental illness” and “GI Jane“, so needless to say, I don’t want to reveal anything that would make me seem less-than-totally-badass. It could ruin my image.
But, I have a confession.
And I think my fellow blog readers deserve the truth. So here it is.
I’m afraid of the dark.
How lame is that? The idea of getting out of the house, all by my lonesome, when it’s pitch dark outside, and exposing myself to all sorts of scary lurking in the dark could be’s makes me shiver. So this morning I sat there in my house, all dressed up and ready to go, and what did I wait for?
Light.
7:19 I could see the sun was headed up and I was out the door. Dave joined me at 9am and kept me company the rest of the way, which was totally awesome. I brought up my fear with him and we did a little analyzing. I think the reason might be because my vision has been really bad since a young age. I wear contacts now, but when I think about the pitch dark night, most of my memories are literally very blurry and ominous.
When I think about fastpacking…my fear is not the long miles, not being alone, it’s the dark. What about the Moab 100 miler that I am training for? Well, I know it will hurt, and pain will be a big issue, but an equally big issue is the concept of running through the night all by myself. Do you think if I run really fast I could finish before the pitch dark night? Clearly I’m not quite as gnarly as some might think (including myself).
So, I need some new memories.
From my run today:
I ran on the frozen Cherry Creek Res. I try to do this every year (clearly I’m not afraid of death by hypothermia or drowning).
This pic is gonna make me laugh for a long time. Apparently I’m not afraid of making a fool of myself.
Looks ominous…nope, I’m not scared.
More cold rushing water…tiny bridge. I’m not a fraidy-cat…neither is Dave.
Kim says:
Hi Sonja:
No, you’re not less than badass for having dark phobias–it’s perfectly natural especially for women. Like a lot of things in life, it’s worse thinking about it than actually being out there running in it. Start small and familiar by going for a short run in the dark and work up from there. Better yet, find a training partner and go for a night run. Night running can be exhilarating. I have run 100s over the years and the hardest part about the night time sections is not the scariness but the staying awake in the wee hours. You will have a blast at Moab and it won’t be scary. Don’t forget to drink some coke or coffee–it really helps even if it’s just psychological. Best to you!
January 5th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Laura J says:
That bridge is sketch! But thanks for being honest, we all have fears, whether rational (dark) or irrational (mine). It makes overcoming them that much sweeter. For night riding, I used to just take less and less light each time until I could ride with nothing but the moonlight – It is scary, but liberating. I’d be happy to night ride with you. Running, well, we know I can’t keep up
but getting to the point of knowing you can do it is awesome, and you will!
January 6th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Jamie says:
You Totally Are (were) Sarah Connor! How are you with automatic weapons?
I’ll try not to think TOO much less of you now that I know your deep dark (pun intended) secret.
Oh, and that is one sorry excuse for a bridge. That is a plank of wood over a stream…
January 6th, 2010 at 9:04 am
Kim says:
…and that plank of wood over the stream is much scarier than running in the dark–trust me (this from someone who loves to swim in the ocean and lakes).
January 6th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Sonja says:
Okay, sorry, some of my paragraphs seem to have gotten”switched” around in this post. I’m surprised any of you commented. I have rearranged them and put them in the right place. Oy.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Nick Clark says:
I’m with you on running in the dark, and it was a major concern for me last year at Bighorn. I didn’t train it at all because I wanted no part of it. However, when night fell during the race, it was actually a nice distraction from pain.
Having said that, when the novelty of night wore off, pain and forward momentum once again became the main focus, so much so that (fear of) the dark was really a very secondary concern.
Running through the night is a very bizarre experience, especially if you’ve just run through an entire day, but it’s a great time for reflection. Have fun with it.
January 6th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Ben S says:
good to know you have some fears
I’m more of a falling/drowning person, so you may not get me out on the frozen res, and that bridge looks a bit sketchy to me… I’ll happily go on some night runs or rides with you though – I love them!
I can understand the hesitation about night though – while I don’t have an issue, I always get nervous when Hill goes out on a night adventure by herself and feel much better when she’s back.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Hillary says:
I really kind of enjoy running at night. I will happily go for a nice easy night run, or even a walk, with you depending on training schedules. You come to our house, we’ll go run and then we’ll have a yummy warm dinner.
I’m not scared of heights, I’m just scared of falling off of them. Once I feel secure, I will gladly hang out on a precarious perch, until it is time to maneuver to get back down…
January 7th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Thor says:
Still badass. You!
Running in the dark takes some getting used to, and I bet if you do it more often you’ll get more comfortable in it too. I do most of my runs in the early morning darkness — start and finish. You get used to high-stepping when you can’t see what you’re running on, and other things. One thing I find is that when I do speed work in the dark, I’m able to get more into myself than at any other time. Keep at it… it’ll get easier, and it’ll make you even more badass!
January 8th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
triAndrea says:
Ah, the first comment ever…but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity…Working out in the dark ALONE! Who better to chat with about that than me?? After all I am always out there in the dark…alone. Honestly, sometimes I am terrified! But I want the accomplishment so bad and to so bad be a badass. But more important are the breakthroughs that come to me in the dark. The dark is mystical and magic to me. It is the craziest thing, I can’t see the terrain, I don’t know when a hill is coming up, the pain seems to not be there, and I just feel invincible. Maybe it is because I am scared and it allows my mind to focus elsewhere, who knows. When you have hit a plateau and need to change conditions maybe one of the conditions you can change is the time of day. Maybe the night skies will allow you to break that barrier of being a physical being and transcend into a spiritual being who is capable of flying.
Knowing you this too shall pass. But if you ever want to jump off a bridge and leave the fears behind I would be by your side in a heart beat.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:25 am