Oy Vey, this is a hard post for the perfectionist in me to write. These last couple days have been a big fat fail. Both in triathlon fueling and a day to day fueling way. It's been rough.

Some confessions:

--- Total lack of pre planning has really been a downfall for me. Opening the fridge and not having the things on hand to make Whole30 meals. I've got veggies but no meat. I've got meat but no veggies. I've got sweet potatoes but they aren't cooked. The fridge is empty, the cupboards are pretty bare. And I have no mojo to go to the store. What is up?

--- The end of the pay period is a REALLY hard time for me. Even with a larger food budget, out family runs on cash, so when the envelope is empty, it's empty and I'm at Coinstar cashing in coins to buy cucumbers and I get anxiety, and I lose the desire to cook and I get frustrated. I got frustrated.

---I ate popcorn at the movies. It really wasn't that good. I ate the popcorn because I wanted to and because I didn't preplan and I can honestly say now that taking a bowl of frozen fruit mixed with coconut flakes is yummier than popcorn. Before I didn't know this, now I do. Did I have frozen fruit in the house? No. Should I have? Yes. Rant: I won't buy the frozen fruit at the regular store because it's expensive COMPARED to Costco. But I didn't go to costco. Sometimes I have this perfectionist thing....if I can't get it at costco, I won't get it at all because I feel like I'm getting ripped off, and then I set myself up to fail. This is a huge problem with me. I expect to have the perfect thing to eat rather than the best thing I can get my hands on in the moment. I could have taken fresh fruit to the movies or ANYTHING else. Shaking head.

--- After training, my appetite is suppressed and I didn't eat post workout meals. This makes my blood sugar get out of whack, which makes me moody, and makes me want non Whole 30 stuff later in the evening. No post workout meal sets the rest of my day up for failure. And not having the perfect post workout meal is not an excuse to have nothing.

--- I went out to eat and I had alcohol in my hot chocolate, and I had a tortilla with my fajitas. It happened. I don't think that zero food celebration is a realistic expectation going forward. For 30 days, okay...but as I transition into a more permanent healthy eating plan I don't think that water is the only thing I'm going to drink for the rest of my life.

--- Sugar and grains make my belly pouchy. Neither of those yield a flat tummy. That's just an observation that I now understand after the last two days.

So, what now? Big fat fail. UG I HATE FAILURE! But it's part of life and it triathlon it always spurs me on to figure stuff out and to rise about and to learn and all that usually yields success down the line. So, where do I go from here? This was my ah-hah of the day.

DAY 0!!!

I forgot about a day 0. On Whole 30 on day 0 you PREPARE. You get the good stuff in the house, you make a plan, and you take a day to get yourself figured out. I didn't provide a day 0 with this recent challenge and I didn't prepare. Then I was trying to wing it and it didn't work. The same thing happened before I did Whole 30. I didn't do a day0 and I made it 5 days I think before I binged on Halloween candy. So I think a day 0 is in order to get back on track.

I think failure is a good thing. It reminds me that I sometimes I have to regroup and rededicate and really think about the WHY before I launch in. Do I think I can realistically keep to Whole 30 while training? Can I do it for 30 days to just explore if it's possible? I think I can. And yet I don't think I will do it permanently. BUT, I think that I can figure out some things that help down the line if I give it a go.

So, tomorrow I will go back to day 0 and I will prepare to train for the next 30 days with healthy healthy healthy foods.

TRY #2!!! Full speed ahead!