If you want to skip the reading and just get the story of my race, you can listen to Episode #37 of Jim and the other guy where he got me to spill the beans. 

Prior to the race I had a really strong training block with the camp I attended in San Jose along with the work I’ve done back in Denver. I was feeling good. Coming off Oceanside the fire in my belly was bright. Racing a 70.3 just 3 weeks prior to Ironman Brazil was something I felt excited about, I tend to recover quickly, especially in those final weeks before Ironman when my fitness is high.

I also had 3 of my athletes racing and I was really excited to see where they were at, and how the work I’ve been giving them is absorbing. I was just ecstatic with how things went. Mikki finished her first triathlon ever, very strong and she had fun! Mo had her first puke free triathlon since I’ve been working with her…and that’s been years. It was such a huge success for the both of us. And Jody had a superb race with no cramping, and is right where he needs to be for Brazil. Add to that, Punk Rock Runners 13 min half marathon PR on Sunday and I would say this was one of the best triathlon weekends of my coaching life.

As I lined up on the start line I had a lot of things in my mind. My athletes races, mainly the swim for Mikki (so much anxiety around that for first timers), but also PICs mom. She was really in my thoughts that morning due to some medical stuff she was dealing with, and I was thinking about PIC too, and hoping she could race for her mom and be strong. Here is our scared faces!

The reservoir is one of the nicest lakes you can find to swim in. The water is clear, you can see bubbles. I met Katie Kyme on the start line and we got into the water together. The start was smooth for me, although it was cold. My face was nice and numb but I felt like my turnover was a little slow as my arms were just cold and slow moving. I found some feet, they were great feet, straight swimming feet. On the final stretch, as the feet got a bit tired I swung around and swam strong to the finish. The swim work I’ve been doing with coach Nick continues to help me feel strong and prepared in the water. He assigns a lot of broken miles and I can refer back to those workouts on race day. It gives me tactics to use!

Out of the water and onto the Quintana Roo I was jazzed to get this show on the road. I love the first miles on the bike, because really, the only thing going through your mind is “How are my legs?” “Are they here today.” All I could come up with is COLD. My legs were cold, they weren’t warmed up and they were slow moving because they felt cold. So I decided to really give them some time. I told myself it’s a long day, let them warm up slowly.

3 miles into the race you go up your first climb. It takes about 5 minutes and I remember thinking “that was harder than when I rode it yesterday.” But you don’t always have to feel good in races. Sometime you just have to race hard, and know that it will all turn out okay in the end. At mile 15 I caught up to Rebecca and there were two other ladies in my age group right with her. I knew that when I went by this group of three I really needed to go and go hard. So I sat back (legal) and sat up and just watched for a little while. I ate a bar, and let my HR drop low and I just watched what was going on.

Then I went. I put in a big effort for about 3-4 minutes and just went as hard as I felt I could reasonably go. After this effort when I pulled off of it, Sarah Jarvis passed me and said “Hi Sonja.” I took a look back and realized that she was the only one that went with my move.

The rest of the race was the Sarah/Sonja back and forth show. Sarah would pass me on every single uphill and then I would bust a move to get back to her on every descent. The course is very hilly. There are so many climbs that I lost count. But there were lots of bomber descents as well and the course evened out pretty well with a mix of the two. I remember going through 25 miles at 1:06 and thinking “this isn’t that slow.”

At about mile 38ish Sarah and I passed another girl in our age group, Christine. She was riding wicked strong and hung tight as well. As we approached Snow Canyon I was trying to decide on my tactic. My athlete Jody passed me and I had given him the go ahead to ride Snow Canyon as hard as he wanted, so he was bustin’ a move. I decided that I would keep my HR “managable” and use the 10 mile descent to bust my final move. So I rode that canyon hard, but not all out. Both Sarah and Christine gapped me pretty big.

Oh, and I ran over a Post-it note half way up the hill and it got stuck in my breaks and was making a HORRIBLE sound. It was a sound like I got a puncture, and I thought it was stuck in the back break but found it in the front and got it out. Scared the crap out of me for a few minutes though.

When the descent came I nailed it home. Hard as I could go, full tuck position on those descents and it paid off. I got back past Christine and Sarah and rode into T1 in the lead in the AG.

After Oceanside and my solid bonk I decided to make a few changes. I had a race belt with hydration to put on so that I was prepared with fuel goodies. I also decided to run without socks. I’ve been running in Sketchers recently and ran a few runs without socks in my goRun2s but didn’t practice with wet feet (bad move Sonja). I got my stuff on and got out of there.

I had advised my athletes to be VERY careful about your effort the first 2 miles. It’s a deceiving course and only gets worse as it goes. I started running and the hill was there but my legs actually felt good. My HR monitor strap was bugging me (I feel like that thing is trying to kill me on the run, hate it hate it hate it), but all in all I was feeling a boat load better than Oceanside.

I passed Mud who’s camp I attended and threw him my HR chest strap and got some encouragement to keep it steady. I also turned around, wondering where Sarah was and SHE WAS RIGHT THERE. This got me really excited. I love a good foot race.

The more the miles racked up the faster and stronger I felt (thank you Jen Schumm for all those single leg squats over the winter). I remember running down the first downhill and just feeling so strong. I had asked Stacey Simms (Osmo nutrition) a few last minute questions about my nutrition plan and I was repeating “I love Stacey Simms” going up one of those hills because my nutrition was working flawlessly. Having the waist belt was great, and I will take it in Brazil for sure.

I slowly got a little more time on Sarah as the miles went by and with each little surge I put in. I kept the pressure on and tried to catch every girl I saw in front of me regardless of age group. I felt better running than I ever had before in my life.

At about mile 6 I realized that my feet were getting harassed with no socks on. It just made me run harder. There was nothing I could do about it. With 2 miles to go, you have been descending for a long time and they send you on this out and back that’s an evil hill. I ran up that thing hard and took a time split back to Sarah of 1:05. Knowing I felt great, it was the first time I really smiled. Don’t get me wrong I was having fun, going fast is fun, but it was the first time I just was overwhelmed with absolute JOY. The last mile and a half I just wanted to feel the experience of the runners high, where you feel like you can run as hard as you want and it doesn’t even hurt. It was one of those days. I could do no wrong.

Coming into the finish I was so happy. It was so emotional to have one of those races where everything came together. Fitness Brains Tactics Emotions. It is so rare that everything falls into place and that was what happened for me out there.

I want to extend a huge congratulations to the ladies I shared the podium with who were not only the top 5 in the AG, but also in the top 6 amateurs. Way to go womens 30-34! Sarah Jarvis, Emily Ure, Christine Avelar, Carly Johann! Solid racing ladies!! Also, a huge shout out to PIC Michelle who opened up a new age group at this race, and took home the win, and did so for her mom.

Thank you to Kompetitive Edge, the new kit is great. Also thanks to Quintana Roo for my awesome bike. I didn’t have the fastest bike split, but it was close Amrita Bars, Punk Rock Racing, Osmo and NUUN have been so supportive. Thank you to them.

And also, a huge thank you to all those that have supported me through the good and the bad. My husband Troy and daughter Annie who continue to just love and accept me for who I am, tired, peppy, grumpy, you name it, they are my ROCKS. Thank you to the friends I have made training this year, especially the San Jose crew. And mostly, for the LOVE that I have received as of late.

Total Time: 4:47:28, swim: 30:57, T1: 1:40, Bike: 2:36:49, T2: 2:08, Run: 1:35:54, 1st Amateur, 1st 30-34

Before I get going into it, I want to highlight two podcasts that I did last week in case you missed my posts on Facebook or Twitter.

One: Michelle and I were on Jim and the Other Guy. We are episode #34 and we just had fun. Jim’s podcast is great because it’s light hearted, people are having fun on there, and it’s not overly serious. PIC and I talked about silly stuff and being moms, and just loving the sport.

Two: I recorded a Podcast with Tawnee Prazak on Endurance Planet as well. This one is a bit more into the nitty gritty of triathlon, my progression in the sport, some of my thoughts about the sport, and some nuggets about motivation. I’ve had a few emails that people are really enjoying this one, so maybe you will too.

So, enjoy those if you have a long ride on the trainer, or a boring commute to work! Onwards!

Camp! I hooked up with a great group in the bay area this week for a multiday block of training and it was a blast. The group was mostly men, although the few of us women really bonded as well. When lots of men are involved, lots of work gets done.

I like training with guys, I’ll tell you why. When you are in the middle of the work, they just work, no tears, no judgement, no falling off the back in shame, they just work. In fact, every one of these boys just about ripped themselves to shreds over that week and they were so happy to do it. They have pride and they don’t let others see them suffer because they don’t suffer, they just keep their head down and work. They were like Labradors….happy go lucky, hard workin’ mo-fos.  When the day is done, they have an easy time letting it go. Training with boys is EASY on the psyche. Nobody judges. Nobody complains. Everyone just kicks ass. I don’t think a single person out there had a bad day, not one.

Also, being a girl who trains with the boys, at first they are kinda nice to you. They treat you like a chick, because they don’t know if you are one of “those” kinds of girls. But by 48 hours in, I just blended into the bunch, they forgot I was there, and they had no problem talking about their balls. It was great. I like it best when I lose my girl status, and just become one of the bunch. Once that happens I really feel like I can work my ass off.

If you are familiar with the San Jose area, we climbed Sierra and Hamilton on back to back days. It was awesome, 150 miles with like 15K of gain in two days. Each day was a race to the top of Ham, and I just ditched the power, ditched the HR strap, focused on feeding the machine, and RODE. There was a lot of time spent climbing on my own, but I can’t recall really thinking about anything other than doing work and being happy. I had my phone in my pocket and I would play songs on the climb out the speaker. It was fun passing people and they would laugh because they could hear the music coming. 

My favorite was riding with Darren and I’m just gonna say he “might” have known the words to a Brittany Spears song. MIGHT….I can’t say for sure. My favorite photo of the whole camp is this one. SEE, this is what I dealt with folks. Really happy dudes who totally dig training.

When we weren’t swimming biking and running we were laughing and playing around being silly. I went off the high dive at the pool and got lots of water up my nose. Headrush! I have a long way to go before I can do a flying squirrel! Prisoner ESCAPE!

Michelle and I went on a date night. Hahaha! Punk Rock Racing took us to the Sharks game. Actually he took me twice, once with Michelle on date night and another night for fan appreciation night with Jim Lubinski. That was especially awesome because Jim used to play PRO hockey, so I learned a lot that night….like what icing is….

Michelle’s and I’s date night ended a little badly with a 24 hour bug for her. But on the up side she got to recoup with my mom tending to her. Which I must say, my mom is the ultimate nurturer.

Interspersed between Sharks games we did a lot of eating! Whole Foods baby! It was great to get to know Gui more on this trip. He has recently been bestowed the honor of being on Team Timex. So you know he’s a bad ass. I must admit it’s inspiring to be around someone so young with such a zest for progress in the sport. He works so hard and kinda feels like my little brother after this trip. You can follow his blog here. Also, he works for Google, so you can ask him anything and he knows.

Towards the end of camp we did a 3 mile TT on the track. It was really fun because I did one on this same track the Tuesday after the Death ride. The track is long. I keep trying to convince everyone of this! Every time my Garmin beeps at the same spot on the mile and I SWEAR that 12 laps is 3.1 miles. My Garmin agrees, so if you run on this track in San Jose then guess what, you are faster than you think you are. I’m calling it a 5K. I know it is, I feel it in my bones, and my Garmin agrees. After camp I ran 20:28 I think. I could be off by 5 seconds either way but that # sticks in my mind. I was happy with that after the Death Ride and where I was at in my training. This week I ran 19:05. I’m super happy with that. If it’s a 5K…and I’m saying it is, that would be a PR. What was even more amazing was getting lapped on LAP 5 by Jim and Stephen. Yea….LAP 5!!! Again, so awesome!

Of course, after the 5K on the track I ended up like this for awhile. Thank you mom for the sweet set up with the recliner desk and what not. I need to get this for my house. At that moment in time…life did not suck!

I just have to extend a huge thank you to everyone that pushed me this past week. It was one of the best training weeks I’ve ever had, not just because of the work that was done, but because of the attitude of the workers. Everyone was always ready to lend a helping hand, pats on the back were abundant, “good jobs” said often.  I also had some great conversations with pro athletes, with elite age groupers who want to be pro, with elite age groupers who don’t wont to be pro and with a coach who’s been in the sport 30 years. I got a lot of different perspectives and it really helped to hone some of my own feelings about the sport and my place within it.

Good stuff people! Train Hard! Have Fun!

As a wise man once said….It’s just EXERCISE!

Coaching athletes it’s one of my jobs to constantly remind people that they are okay, they are loved, they are right where they need to be, everything will work out, etc. And I find that it’s very easy to be honest with others in this way. It’s easy to support others in their endeavors and to believe in them and accept them for who they are, good, bad, and otherwise. It’s easy to tell them when they need to work harder, or that they are working too hard. And I can do all that without judging them as people. I think a lot of us would say the same.

But then turn the tables. Can you do all of this with yourself? I can’t! I will admit that it is easier for me to support others than support myself. It’s easier to accept others flaws than my own. I seek a level of perfection that I do not require of others (and some would say that I require a high level of perfection of those around me). When it comes to me, I am so much harder on myself than I am on others. What the heck is up with that?

Why do we feel that negativity towards ourselves is productive?

Let’s take the athletes flaw of compulsion as an example. Do you know someone who has to get the workout done at all costs? If it’s on the training plan, they are going to make it happen. If they are coughing, or their calf hurts, it doesn’t matter, it’s on the plan.  And when they are in this mode, thinking about whether it’s a good or bad decision for their health is put on hold. This comes from negative thought patterns and avoidance of what they perceive as failure.

“If I don’t check every box I have failed”

“If I take a day off I will lose my fitness”

“I missed yesterday, so I have to make it up today”

Sometimes athletes in this mode are waiting for coaches to pull in the reigns. But coaches are not around 24/7, they expect humans to be smart like humans. I EXPECT my athletes to seek health. They hear me preach it day in and day out. Coaches who don’t expect this essentially are treating you like dogs or horses and those are the coaches you see living with their athletes, controlling their every move. If you see sport as a metaphor for life, a vessel to learn how to live a happier more fulfilled life, then you need to act like a human and keep health in mind.

Compulsion comes from fear of failure. Almost all our our negative behaviors that take us on a detour from the path of health are based on fear of failure.

One of the best things you can do for yourself in this short life you have, is to convince yourself that FAILURE is part of a HEALTHY life.

However….lets explore this a little more…

I once heard that our brains are inherently negative. We spent literally thousands of years trying to stay alive in a world where there were many daily threats. When we heard a stick break in the forrest, we could either think “Oh someone wants to play,” OR “something is going to kill me.” The negative thinkers were most likely the ones having babies down the line. The negative brain remains today as a way to protect us. It uses the experiences of our lives to prevent us from making future mistakes, preventing future pain, hardship, and or death. Thus it develops triggers, on purpose, to steer us away from perceived future pain/death.

In todays world, the negative brain is just not as functional as it once was. Actually, it’s functional in one area, but not in another. Our level of physical safety is at an all time high, sure, we use the negative brain on occasion but honestly, it’s rare. Most of our current triggers are about avoiding future emotional pain. They are keeping us not from death, but from failure. (See above: failure is part of health)

I think an important part of self acceptance is understanding that our negative brain exists to try to keep us safe and that it’s each individuals journey in life to determine whether it does just that. I personally have found that while my negative self keeps me physically safe, it also limits my potential. Have you seen the new kids movie The Croods? The entire movie is about this concept and it’s literally one of my favorite movies of all times. Plus there is a sloth named Belt, so the movie has to be awesome!

Have you ever heard of the concept of hunger and nutrient density? When I was learning to eat healthy, and I forget where it came from, but this concept was presented to me that if you don’t eat a variety of nutrients you will continue to be hungry. The body seeks certain nutrients and until it gets them, it will continue to want to eat to find them, especially if it is deficient.

Well, listening and being compassionate towards your negative self is like that. If you continue to try to shut down your negative brain without hearing it and acknowledging its warnings, then it keeps repeating, it’s not satiated. But when you recognize that these voices are simply trying to protect, then the need within is met and you can take heed and move on. The trigger has served its purpose.

If you can listen to your negative self, if you can understand that it’s merely a warning, and not a roadmap, if you can be aware enough to recognize that it fears failure and that failure is okay, then guess what??

Here comes my fairy moment….

That my friends IS the definition of SELF ACCEPTANCE.

I went ahead and made it bold for you, go ahead and reread it.

And on that note, the path to inner peace and joy is exactly that, it’s a path. It’s not a destination (nor do you want it to be, because I’m pretty sure it’s 6 feet under ground).

So, a few observations this go around:

1.) We need huge amounts of training fuel. 18 bars will last about 5 days, and energy drink needs to be purchased in $100-$200 lots. We totally go through it. Chomps, blasts, gummies, etc… we need lots of different kinds so I’m pretty much buying these ANY time I see them. A LOT of them.

2.) Freezer Meal Parties. Thank you Michelle Ford for becoming a Wildtree rep and letting me crash most of her parties. At one point I had 37 frozen meals in the freezer (and I fit it all in the freezer side of our refrigerator). We are down to 8 meals left, and there are 6 weeks to go. I will need to crash more parties STAT. These have been the biggest lifesaver because most of them are done in the crock pot so we just put one in each day and there is food ready when we need it. Hot food. There is something about training that makes you want HOT food that smells good. Between these meals and our weekly door to door organics box we barely have to go to the store (usually only at 9pm for cookies and ice cream).

3.) Leftovers. I will admit that the biggest fight Troy and I have gotten into during this double Ironman situation is over leftovers. I thought it would be about who trains when, OH NO, that’s been fine. But if I come home from training and I’m hoping to eat the leftover fajitas and Troy has eaten them, and I’m starving…huge blowup! So we had to sit down and have a heartfelt conversation about leftovers. He was under the assumption that if it’s in the fridge it needs to all be eaten ASAP. I had to tell him that leaving me lunch is a sign of love. Now we are on the same page. He eats the leftovers, but always saves me some so I don’t lose it.

4.) Uncle! Sometimes we just have to call uncle. Troy and I have both experienced this. When it was just me training my training was priority and now that there are two of us, sometimes we can’t get everything we both need done. Sometimes, we have to bag it. I think this is what keeps triathlon marriages together. Both people need to be priority and sometimes training has to get ditched. In the long run, it all works out. It helps that Troys training schedule is rather loose, so he moves and shakes depending on his mojo. But I have lost my motivator. He used to really shove me out the door when I was stalling, and now he’s like “Maybe you should nap and I’ll go train.”

5.) Feelings! Troy totally knows how I’m feeling. He’s feeling the same way. I thought this would be a problem, but actually, this time around when I talk about being tired or just wanting to go to bed, I don’t feel bad anymore, because he is like “I totally agree.” His empathy for me and my empathy for him have really gone up and that’s been good for our marriage. I have felt less bad this go around than any other. We are both happy to be able to go to Brazil and being in it together just makes me smile.

6.) Sharing successes. This has been another awesome perk. We share our training successes so much more with each other. He had a breakthrough in the pool the other day and called me the minute he got out. I finished a big session and went straight to him for kudos. Also, we have really contributed to each others athletic success so much more than ever. Now we are in the pool with each other pushing one another, and it’s all for the same goal. The other day he wasn’t getting on his bike when he should have been and I told him “I don’t want to come back at midnight to pick you up, you better get on your bike.” We literally sat there and laughed for 5 minutes over that one.

7.) Laundry. Barely happens, and forget folding.

8.) Annie. Her life has really been minimally impacted in a negative way. She’s in swim school two nights a week and has lots of homework, so sometimes she’s busier than we are. This morning, Troy was traveling for business, and I meet with my trainer at the gym (Jen) at 7am. So I got up at 5 and packed everything up and then woke up Annie and she came and lifted with me. Jen gave her all these exercises and she had so much fun. Annie also gets lots of extra time in the swimming pool because most of Troy and I’s workouts are longer than her swim school, so she plays afterwards (just like she’s doing as I write this). So Annie doesn’t really see or notice any changes. I’m really happy with the lack of impact to her.

All in all, things are going really great. I am so darn happy this year. I’m having so so so so so much more fun. I’m enjoying my training to the n-th degree and I feel so much more well adjusted this year. Sure I still have my freak outs, but all in all this year is a 180 from last. I think a big part of that is having Troy in it with me. I’m so glad we are an Ironman family and that we teach our daughter daily to chase her dreams, to work hard, to have fun, and to be healthy.

The day before the race went fantastic, I felt good, had fun training with Ron, but I did get a flat on my tubular at the end of our ride. Crap! This is where mom and dad and Nytro Multisport saved me. I called the guys at Nytro, Chris I believe, let them know what happened and they made me feel totally at ease. My parents drove down and dropped off the wheel, and an hour later, they were done and had taped on a new tubular. I’m speechless at the great and quick service. Love this shop (and I haven’t even been there). Thank you big time to ma and pa for doing my dirty work while I was able to sit by the pool with Annie and relax!

Pre-race logistics…Oceanside is a course that is tough to get your head around. Steep learning curve for the first timers!

Race morning I was a little nervous. I was trying to do a new breakfast but just couldn’t get it down. Mix1 kinda went out of business, so I need to find a replacement, and let’s just say I’m not there yet. Also, my daughter was asleep next to me (where she spent most the night elbowing me in the ribs) and she was so peaceful. I just stared at her, and reminded myself that I needed to be not just a good but a great example for her, both on and off the court.

Mom dropped Ron and I off at T2 at 5:10am and it was go time! T2 set up, ride bike to T1, set that up, walk around nervous like, run around nervous like, wait for your wave to go off. I was literally 50 minutes after the PROs, which is fun when you get to see them all come out of the water. But sad too because they have crossed the line before you are even off the bike. I also ripped a big hole in my freak…doh!

After a nice little chat with myself, I started to get excited, to get my game face on. I realized that I wasn’t fearing anything. I was ready. I wanted in that water, I wanted to see where I was at. They let us in, we swam over, I tried to figure out where to line up, and in the process off went the gun. I was in a good spot, got off the line well, got clocked a few times, clocked a few ladies. Relatively damage free.

The first thing I noticed was how awesome the water was. I was prepared for cold temps but I found them to be positively perfect. Refreshing, and cooling. I must say, I hit my groove. I just had a really successful swim. I swam straight, I focused on the form things I needed to focus on, and I was in control. The biggest difference was that I felt STRONG. I have put on 10+ pounds since Kona, and I’m loving every one of them. I’m leaving the lean to the gazelles, embrace the strength!.

At the end of the swim you can see the clock and you get really excited. It was a fast swim for everyone so seeing that I was swimming a 27…..and then 28 made for a sigh of relief.

Out of the water and onto the bike. Transition was long, but I made my way through quickly and got into it. Soon after transition I was told to “GO AFTER IT” and I took that to heart. Today was the day for boldness, after all, I have NOTHING to lose. No ego that hasn’t been crushed in Kona, no expectations to uphold from myself or others. There was only opportunity in my hands. The bike is mostly on Camp Pendleton, so you aren’t allowed to drive the course. It was 100% sight unseen. Once I got going on the bike and I felt my legs under me, I could tell they were there, I just decided that I was going to put to use my new strength, my new muscles. I rode and I rode hard.

I figured Christine was first out of my AG from the swim, so I was looking for her. Plus, she’s one of my FAVORITE new friends (Coast Ride bonds you) and I just wanted to see her familiar face. She’s getting married in two weeks, so everyone wish her a happy wedding. Found Christine, that rocked, also found Rebecca Travis and let me say she kept me HONEST out there. We definitely used each other for motivation and it was all so positive. I like that. Two thumbs up for her. Also I heard her chew out some boys for sitting on my wheel, now there’s a girl after my own heart. Boys on my wheel, totally allowed in training..not allowed in racing!

Huge thanks to Quintana Roo for the new Illicito. It was my first race on the new frame, and it was good for the fastest amateur bike split. Major ups to QR!!

My legs were under me, so I went for it. I wasn’t letting up until I hit the wall. Coming into T2 I felt fantastic. I heard my parents and Annie cheering up a storm and I was on. I decided to put on socks and so Rebecca got out of T2 in front of me.

I took off and I was on. I felt good, I felt solid, and I was holding myself to 7 min pace. I slowly caught Rebecca and I just knew I was in the lead in the AG and the amateur race, mom confirmed this. I just had to hold on. I calculated time gaps. I had this, just had to run a lot of 7s. I run 7s all over this earth. I had this.

And then I looked down and I ran an 8min mile? What’s happening? Oh no. Okay, limit damage. I start running through my calorie count. Then I start cussing. I’m low, I’m bonking, I’m REALLY bonking. I dig out my emergency gel with caffeine. I get that down. I go to coke.

And I only had one choice left. Fight for every inch. The girls were coming, and I was not firing on all cylinders, so I just fought for every inch. It wasn’t pretty but my mind was strong and I was going to limit any and all damage that I could. Rebecca went back by me and gave me tons of love and support to hang tough. With about two miles to go Kendra went by me as well. I fought with all I had at the moment, shoving down the coke, trying my best to limit the carnage.

The finish could not come soon enough. I found that line. Yet another line, another line in my life that I crossed, totally exhausted, exhilarated, and feeling so raw and vulnerable that I can barely look into the eyes of those around me. Putting yourself out like that, fighting for every inch, coming into the finish totally spent and dog tired is HARD. It takes recovery from both emotionally and physically. I went for it, spent all I had, and I came up a tad short. Did I give a shit about that…hells no.

About an hour after the race, after many cups of salty recovery drink (thank you med staff) and a large lemon aid, I’m sitting there cheering for everyone still out there doing battle with the course. I’m looking at the ocean, the blue sky, I’m hugging on my daughter and sitting next to ma and pa, and I was just overcome with JOY. You can take the dog out of the fight, but not the fight out of this dog.

My fitness is where it is, my nutrition needs some tweaking. All of it is very early season (blah blah blah). I have (or can get) help with all that, but the FIGHT, you can’t buy that. You gotta make that, it comes from inside, and you can really only appreciate it after you lose it for awhile. The fight is back in this girl, like a shark, I tasted blood out there, I glimpsed greatness, and although all the accolades belong to others this weekend, I found my fight, and it aint going anywhere.

3rd AG, 3rd Amateur, 4:48:17, swim 28:05, bike: 2:37:40, 1:38:05

Congratulations to everyone who found their own greatness out there. Keep pushing, keep smiling, keep appreciating the fact that you are capable enough to compete. I know I will!

Thank you to: KompetitiveEdge, Quintana Roo, Amrita, Punk Rock Racing, and NUUN. Also a huge thanks to SOAS for their love this weekend, such a great group of women!

 A good performance at an early season race can go either way. It can be an important confidence boost for an athlete that is questioning if what they have done over the off season is working. But it can also be a sign that too much focus was put into the offseason, which can at times yield poor performance in your “depth of season”, especially those all important late season races.

A less stellar performance early in the season can at times be a good thing. Now, I don’t wish bad performances on anyone, but if you’re going to get a kick in the ass, this is a good time to experience it. Truth is, it’s a long year. Starting to find your mojo right about now, in my opinion, makes for strong late season racing. The best seasons I have experienced have been a slow and steady build to a wonderful crescendo.

So, as we start getting into the season, here are some reminders straight from me to you.

Get your Sh!t in order:

Make sure you have clearly defined your inner circle. Who’s in? Who’s out? Who are you depending on this year for coaching, nutrition, support, training partners. Are these people who you are ready to lean on, who will be there for you through the long haul? And are they people who you would do the same for? These are important relationships, and sometimes less is more.

Make sure the past is history. After having reviewed what went wrong last year, and having made the changes towards success for this year, let it go. This years problems will be new problems, so don’t live last years AND this years. Just be ready for a new fresh year.

Check your ego at the door. Part of being emotionally strong enough to take risks in racing is understanding the difference between confidence and ego. Confident people are free to go off the front, free to huck their HRM at mile 10 on the bike. Because if they fall flat on their face, well, tomorrow is a new day, and next month is another race. People run by ego have a lot of bravado, usually talk a lot about being “dream crushers” or “name takers” when in reality this is a huge front for a fragile ego that can’t take a beating. These athletes tend to play it safe, after all, an ego blow for these folks is devastating.

Now that you have your Sh!t in order, limit consequences, and expand benefits:

Now it’s time to enact what I call the “Clean Slate.” Think about a giant chalkboard that you have just done several gnarly math problems all over. Remember calculus, think of that. That board has equations, there’s some drawings, numbers are everywhere, heck there’s a lot of letters in there too, and some are greek! It’s FULL, brimming really. That’s where you are at the start of race week. Now, as race day approaches, start erasing that chalk board. Yea, go ahead and get out the good eraser, the new eraser, the one that returns the board to is original clean black slate. Let it all go. The problems are solved, the answers turned in, every box is checked. Now work towards stepping on the start line with a clean fresh board. Because folks, your gonna need it. If you want to reach your potential the path is not easy or simple and you’re going to need a clean frickin’ chalkboard. What happens if you step on the line without a clean slate? If you are still worried about not having done enough, about facing tough competition (the toughest competition you will face is between your ears), then you will pay the consequences for those thoughts. Consequences usually come when the going gets tough, when you need to dig within for that extra toughness, well, all those excuses will regurgitate back up.  Limit Consequences.

Start kickin’ it with your inner surfer, dude. Or, if you are me, you channel Crush from Nemo.  Whatevvvvves dude. Righteous. Put on your rose colored glasses, build your personal bubble that nothing can penetrate. However you have to think of it, I’ve given you three examples, but the point is you gotta get happy, and you gotta get positive, and you gotta let shit roll off your back. Optimism and chill attitude doesn’t come easy on race week, you have to work at it. It’s way easier to be a raging tapered bitch (again…limit consequences). However, doing the work to find your inner chill turtle, or putting on your rosy aviators pays large dividends on race day. You problem solve better, you utilize your sugar stores more efficiently, and you feel more in control. You are expanding benefits.

Dudes, and dudetts, none of us are forced to race. Sure we have invested lots of hours and money, but would you really trade those new race wheels for a couch at Crate and Barrel? What’s the alternative folks? If you aren’t out there on race day because you love being healthy and you love being a triathlete, then you would be somewhere else. There are plenty of great ways to stay healthy that are way more chill…rock climbing…long distance hiking…yoga. So if you think that being a raging bitch with a fragile ego is part of the sport, it isn’t. Do the right work upstairs, get your Sh!t together, wipe the slate clean, find some perspective, put a smile on your face, and enjoy triathlon. If you can get yourself to that place, I guarantee you, the ass kicking, name taking, and dream crushing will be a byproduct, and one you could care less about. 

 Happy Racing in 2013…

I was an “all in” kind of girl when I started this sport, Age Group Nationals was my third triathlon. I qualified for it the weekend before, and then flew to Portland and raced. I was all in. Each year that progressed I tried to go even more all in, and through various coaches I learned more about dedication to goals and what sorts of actions got you there. The good sleep, the recovery, the flops, the food, it’s all come in bits and pieces as I tried to go more all in (can there be a MORE all in?)

At some point I noticed that some people seem to be a bit too “all in.” You know the person who’s sole existence is triathlon, their ego and worth in life hinging on race results and power numbers and average pace, etc etc. I noticed that this seemed to be not so healthy in those people, that they weren’t very fun to be around, and I saw that at times I had these feelings myself. Troy and Michelle are probably nodding their heads right now. So is that “all in?” as in EGO is all in?

Along the way I prided myself in the fact that I had never really had a bad race. I had generally progressed in an upwards fashion, finding my way to the podium on most all races through hard work, and solid race execution. I wasn’t the type of person to blurt out my accomplishments to other people, but to ask them about themselves, to learn about their journeys.

And I’ll be honest here. If you trained with me last year, you would have noticed pretty quickly that I was sad and depressed most of the year. Troy suggested that I disconnect from Dirk several times and just do my own thing. I was stuck (by my own choice) in an unhappy place and although I royally defiled a few restrooms on the Kona Ironman course, as I get some distance I recognize that I landed on that island pretty emotionally screwed up. In my core I was afraid that a good race would mean that my sad and depressed year was on the right path. That’s a bad bad place to step on the line. Yea, I defiled a few bathrooms, but if it wasn’t that, I kinda think something else would have derailed me. Self defeating. I didn’t want what felt all wrong to turn out to be right.

As I move forward from last year I find myself asking, what is “all in?” It seems that all in means all in. Like it’s not a spectrum, it’s an absolute, you are willing to do anything to get maximum results. But I know, I just know, because I’ve seen it a ton of times, that if all in means wrapping up every ounce of who you are in the sport, then you aren’t going to get maximum results. So after a long chat with mom I think I have a better idea of all in.

All in is personal. All in for me is a focus on going for it. Throwing out my hangups and insecurities and taking a leap. Going all in means fixing what sucked last year, and then having the sense to call it fixed, to stop dwelling. Don’t take the salt tabs, go chase what makes you happy, surround yourself with people that tell you they believe in you and mean it. My mom in all her wisdom pointed out to me that in Hawaii last year, before I stepped in the bathroom, I was running on the podium. My fitness was there, my body was ready to do great things.

But my head was screwed. Anyone who trains as consistently as I have for 5 years has a wide breadth of fitness. But the hangups and insecurities become the bigger performance limiter. This year I go all in to get rid of them. I will chase the joy, I will have the good attitude both on the court, and within the 4 walls of my home, and I will, I WILL, believe in myself.

So, I’ve been running with faster people recently and I’ve gotten faster. Yup, a miracle, I know. I wasn’t sure how long I could hold onto the speed that I seem to have found, but I wanted to go for it. This is new territory for me so I feel a bit like a baby deer, overly optimistic and kinda wobbly. But hey, I’ll take overly optimistic any day.

One of my new run buddies Carolyn was signed up to race too, so I was excited to have a her out there with me. She’s on her way to Boston and we are very equally matched in the run department, so we lined up side my side.

Off we went, the weather was gorgeous and I was in shorts and a tank top. Oh happy day! It’s March 3rd in Colorado and I’m in shorts! This course is a doozy. It’s 3 miles flat across a dam, then 1 miles super steep down, then 2.5 miles false flat downhill. My friend Todd called it a Credit Card race, as in you put the money on the credit card, then you have to pay it off, ie come back uphill!

(can you find the two nuts on the left side?)

The race started, off we went, and I was flying and it felt EASY PEASY, Like effortless, form felt great, I was breathing HARD, but I was ON IT!.

I hit the turn around at 42:15 and this is an exact out and back course. Miles 1-6 were: 6:30, 6:34, 6:27, 6:17, 6:22, 6:35

Then we start to feel the false flat uphill, and it takes a bit of wind from my sails. 7 and 8 were 6:44, 6:48. Okay, that’s cool, it’s all good.

Then I look down, we are starting up the bigger hilly sections, and my pace does not match my perceived exertion. That’s when I start to dig deep. I’m getting passed, people are pulling away from me rather quickly. Miles 9 and 10 are 7:25, 7:40. Mile 10 was the really big hill that we came down. It was a doozy, and I hurt bad. My calves started to cramp around mile 9. I’m not exactly happy with my Newtons at that moment.

Then we get back on the dam and I think, okay, back to sub 7s, you got this. But I felt like I was running on the bottom of the ocean. After the race all I could think was that it was like a turtle running from a slug. He’s RUNNING for all he’s worth…but he’s a turtle…so…

I fought so hard. I got passed by many ladies and I fought to run with each one. But my mile splits were 7:11, 7:15, 7:10. Ouch! Carolyn found me again with a quarter mile to go and she sprinted on past. We finished within 15 seconds of each other.

So, I now have a new PR in the half marathon. I don’t have to go searching any more for it, it’s now 1:29:07.

I looked back at my race and I CLEARLY made some HUGE pacing mistakes. But you know what? I wouldn’t take them back. I didn’t know how deep my new speed was, but now I do. If I had gone out more conservatively, I still wouldn’t know. At this point in time, my ego is strong enough to handle an internal combustion (somewhat, okay, maybe 70% strong enough to handle it).

I would rather take risks and learn lessons, than run yet another safe race. I must admit, it’s a bit embarrassing to go KaBoom in a race. You’re “that girl” that went out too hard. I knew every lady that passed me was shaking her head going “she went out too hard.” I’ve been that girl, shaking my head at others as I passed them easily in those final miles. But I think, to be that girl again, sometimes it helps to have a race like this every once in awhile. The kind where you drag yourself home and lick your wounds a little.

Despite any wound licking, I had a really fun time out there. I loved racing and I’m so glad I was healthy, happy, and fit enough to tow the line.

It’s the A races that you want all this stuff worked out for. These half marathons that are a few steps from your front door, they are on the schedule to learn, to take risks when there isn’t anything on the line to lose. So, I’m really happy to have a new PR that I can build off of. I hope to run another, FLATTER, half marathon in the future, maybe cut that PR down by a little bit.

Onwards!!!!!

12 weeks left! This is the first Ironman that we are really really traveling for. My first one was in Canada. But we actually flew to Spokane, rented a car, and drove over the border. No Visa, English speaking, and really easy, we didn’t really even have to change currency. Cozumel was IM #6 and that was international, but we flew direct on Frontier from Denver to Coz. Bikes were free, no Visa, and they took dollars as well. We had to speak a bit of Spanish, but after 24 hours we were in our groove.

Now, Brazil. First off, we don’t know whether to spell it Brazil or Brasil. So, we’re not even sure how to spell the place we are going. We are headed to the town (town?) of Florianopolis. It sounds like a fictional land, and there is a little mark over the last “o” that I don’t know how to make that happen typing. We have also decided that if we are going all the way to Bra(s)zil we should see the Amazon (not the one where you pay $89 a year for Prime to get free shipping).

IM Bra(s)zil has a two loop bike course with apparently 4 VERY LARGE climbs per loop and the rest is flat. I’m not sure what this means or where said climbs are, but I’m going to find out because it seems like that’s something I should know! I do know that last years overall amateur rode a 5:33 and that seems pretty darn fast.

So, we are also going to this Amazon place, to see it…we’ll report back in 13 weeks. I’m expecting birds, crocks, pirañas (yes with a squiggle above the n…it did that all on it’s own), maybe a sloth or two. Oh and it’s very hard to do research on said Amazon without continuously running into the Prime one! I just recently found out the Amazon is not near the Ironman. I now understand that it’s like saying…we’re headed to Hollywood for the Ironman, but if we are going to Hollywood, we might as well see Mount Rushmore….it’s like that…

Amazon is in Manaus (AKA Mount Rushmore). So we go: Denver to Dallas to Sao Paulo to 6 hours of thumb twiddling in Airport where we will probably stay at one of those Fast Sleep places so we can make out to Florianopolis (with a mark over the “o”) to rest relax taper to IRONMAN to Golden ticket (unknown) to Florianopolis (still with the mark) to Sao Paulo to Manaus (Mt.Rushmore) to Amazonian adventure on a boat with hammocks and birds and bugs to Manaus to Miami to Chicago to Denver.

Whew! This is SO not your domestic Ironman. The flights alone for all this travel were just under $1600 per person. Lodging in Florianopolis is another $1600 and the Amazon adventure is another $1600. I have planted a $1600 tree in the back yard. I thought it would bear $1600 fruit but instead I am merely out yet another $1600.

Having both Troy and I doing the Ironman has added some expense over just one of us racing, but in reality, it’s not much. He would already be there spectating, so at this point, why not have both of us race? I think I’m honestly MOST excited about having him racing with me. When I think about lining up with him, going through race morning with him, and feeling the race anticipation with him, I get really darn excited. I wish I could say that I’m going to swim on his feet, but in reality, he will go out too fast for me to hang on and I will lose him.

Getting a VISA for Brazil is no small feat. My drivers license address is not our current address because the CO DMV doesn’t issue new cards for change of address. So today I hiked it down and stood in line for an hour to get them to issue me a new card just so the address on my card matches the address on my Visa application which is a requirement. Step 1 of 40,000 is done. We need notarized copies of all sorts of stuff, we have to provide passport photos…even though we already have passports. They need current photos that are within 6 months. It’s crazy sauce.

Troy and I sat down before I knew this was so crazy and divided up some tasks. I got flights and Visa, he got immunizations, and budget. So yesterday he comes upstairs and tells me, he just had to make 1 call to our doctor and we have appointments for our shots. ME, I’ve got a 40,000 point to do list, and his task is done in 3 minutes. He did say that after I got all the Visa stuff done he would reward me with an ipad. I asked him if he know how much the visas were going to cost? ($280 per person) No more ipad….

The more I plan for this trip the more I understand that this is going to be a once in a lifetime trip. It’s not just another Ironman for us, but a really cool chance to share an adventure together, all for the affordable price of 10 grand. While we are bleeding money right now, I know that once it gets here, it will all be worth it! Memories last as long as I do, whereas money…wait…I think I got that wrong…

So, the next 12 weeks are about getting myself in great shape to race hard, but also about making sure that we really live in the moment, and that we are prepared and ready to enjoy our trip (of a lifetime) to the utmost!

The journey continues. February, poof, gone just like that. I’ve been training. Doing some different stuff actually, lots of bicep curls. Haha! No, really, I’ve just had a different outlook this season, it’s felt more like a secret covert mission. More like how much stupid fun stuff can I do and still train for an Ironman. But you see, the Ironman is in Brazil, it’s not like any of you will be there. It’s covert, good luck finding the results, I can’t ever seem to. We travel really far, mostly there to have fun, and then I race my ass off for 10 hours…maybe less…maybe more. No Troy to tell me where I’m at, he’ll be on the course with me. Probably no heart rate strap, maybe no watch, definitely no power. Just me for 10 hours of pain/awesome/ouch/Grr/gogogogo, and then about 10 days of pure amazonian adventure. If it seems skewed, it’s because it is, on purpose.

That’s how triathlon training should be. See the races are really short, even the long ones, so there should be lots of fun in-between. You can be serious on race day, and at the end of hard runs, and when sad songs come on your iPod. But the rest of the time, well, why so serious? Why so Type A? How about a bit-o-sass.

Annie gets it, she lives it and she’s such a wonderful inspiration. She sits next to me now, like a bumbling hive of energy. At any moment she may run 10 laps around our bedroom, or jump on the bed trying to reach for the roof, or will turn to me and just nuzzle in. She’s just such a reminder to stay in the moment of life, to chase what feels fun and silly, and to not be so serious.

This is a problem of mine, the over seriousning (not a word) of absolutely EVERYTHING. Bheh, I make myself sick sometimes. Troy and I were having a chat at lunch today, basically discussing my faults. It was an awesome conversation, and it went on for quite awhile, after all, my flaws are many. But it was an honest one, the kind of honest that I only entertain from very few people in my life. We agreed that much of the time, my biggest problem in life, is that I have trouble coping with my awesome life.

Literally, that is the way we decided to put it. I get overwhelmed with my own life, a life that is absolutely ideal in every way, shape, and form. I have trouble coping with a long to do list. I have trouble coping with large amounts of responsibility. If you look close I am an underachiever. I’m a mom, but only 1 kid. I stay home, but detest housework, sitting down for dinner, grocery shopping, or laundry. I don’t work, unless you count coaching, which you shouldn’t because I get oodles more from my athletes than I give. I spend the middle of most days training, coaching, and relaxing, and sadly I get overwhelmed by that at times.

Apollo….now here’s and example of someone who never gets overwhelmed by the awesomeness of their own life.

But hey, it’s me! I’m me! I kinda like me, I’ve worked hard to like me. What a sad statement. I’ve got my shit, and therefore I try to keep my life simple for a reason (TRY). I don’t handle the opposite very well. I’m at my best with a life where I have singular focus. I think it’s what makes me a strong triathlete. When I’m out on the bike, or the run, or swimming, I’m there completely. I’m not wishing I was elsewhere very often, I’m in the moment. I take charge, I’m a leader, and it’s because I love total singular focus. I’m intense, been told that several times. If you ever meet me when I am “working” (whatever that may be…remember, I don’t work) you’ll think wowah…this girl is a bit intense. She smiles a lot…but she a little bat shit crazy too.

A case of the intense hit me a few days ago and I went off my rocker. My poor closet was the victim, and after I was done with it, this was in the hallway…

Don’t worry, I didn’t throw away my Freak…just the stupid briefcase that it came in. Come on people, it’s a wetsuit, and as much as I felt like a cool kid for all 15 minutes after walking around with my Freak of Nature briefcase…I soon realized I’m a complete dork-face walking around with a wetsuit in a briefcase. Talk about intense…

And this was the closet afterwards. And let me tell you, while I was pruning the poor thing there was no other task in my life. I was made to purge my closet, put on the earth at that moment for that single task. I did nothing else but cut out every single superfluous item from a 6×8 square of my belongings. But the effect was calming, and after it was done, I could move on with life, albeit, with very little left to wear.

So, ya know, this year is going to be different, it’s already been different. Scratch that last bit…this year IS different. I’m taking myself on a crazy ride. It’s going to be better, mostly because my head is either going to be on more straight, OR, I’m gonna accept that it’s crooked for the time being. Crooked is good, everyone needs some of them to be a bit lopsided at times. It’s like perfect teeth…I’m always skeptical of someone with perfect teeth. A little flaw in there, some yellowing, or some intertwined bottom teeth prove that your human. Nobody wants to look at a perfect smile.

As I continue down the journey that is this year, I’m going to continue to see things differently. I’m going to try to not get as overwhelmed with the awesomeness of my life, a task I know I will continue to fail at on occasion. But when I fail at it, I will get back up and try again. That’s all I can really task myself with. Keep trying to be better, and to leave others better than you found them. That too.