Tuesday was a white flag day. You know those days where you try to do it all, you try to get everything in and to keep everyone happy along the way, and then you find yourself crying on the bumper of your car? Yup, I had one of those days. It’s started with great intentions, I was feeling like wonder woman, and I was SO on it. I had a few (4) workouts to get done. Now, none of them are long, and some were meant to be done one after another, but still, four is four.

Also, I was out of gels/blocks/that sort of thing. Also, we ran out of dinner options. Also, I had scheduled a wax appointment….and a masssage (not with the same person)! Now I’m up to 8 things to get done in my day. What was I thinking?

This violated the extremely strict rule of “You can only do one (1) extracurricular thing a day while training for Kona”. I don’t know who made up this rule, but it was probably Newton, or Einstein (not the bagels) or Michelangelo (who names their kid that anyways…poor dude in Kindergarten trying to learn to spell his own name) or someone smart like that.

Well, I clearly violated the rule!

So I got up at 6am and packed my bags. If my day was going to work, Troy was going to need the car and he was going to need to take Annie to school at 9am. So I strapped on my 8 pound backpack full of swim and exercise gear and I ran 2 miles to the gym. This little run wasn’t even one of the 4 workouts, so already I’m wondering if this run counts as my one extracurricular activity.

I get to the gym at 7 and I hop in the pool for workout #1. It goes ok, not great by any means, but I’ve got three more to make up for it, so I get it done and move onto #2.

#2 is a secret so I’ll just leave it there and move along to #3.

#3 goes well and I see a few people I know in the weight room. I give them the “We are lifting so we can’t chat nod” and I continue to do my thing. Time is of the essence, the essence of what I’m not sure.

After workout #3 it’s time to get busy with errands, and I mean busy! Troy has left the car in the gym parking lot after driving Annie to school (and then biked himself to work). I feel sleuthy as I think “if I were Troy, where would I park” while I wander around the lot. I find the car in the lot, then I find the key in the spot he stashed it, the secret spot, verrrry top secret. I felt like I was stealing my own car, but since I go to the same gym as John Elway, and there is a Lexus on one side of me and a BMW on the other side…and my VW is an 01…and missing a piece of the stripping along the side…I figure I’m okay. I get out of there without a visit from the cops.

Off to the waxing appontment where…well…you know…those things are never any fun. I mean, my lady is much nicer than Caroles, so I’ve got that going for me. It dawns on me that I spend 35 minutes every 5 weeks with this lady and I have REALLY good friends that I don’t see that often. Maybe if my friends learned to wax we could kill two birds with one stone? But I digress.

After the wax I swing by Annie’s school with 3 minutes to spare. Boo Ya, mom of the year award. I pick up the munchkin and pat myself on the back for remembering to pack a juice box and snack in her backpack (at 6am I thought of this mind you).

We get home and have lunch. Annie and I work for some time on writing the letters in her last name. She’s doing great with her letters. Michelle drops by to return my race wheels that she used this weekend and we switch the cassette back to her training wheels. Did you know that Michelle won the 40-50 Elite Amateur wave at the Chicago triathlon this weekend? She so totally rocks. Great job Ford!

Out goes Ford, and Annie and I read books and I get her down for a nap. I try to get a nap out of her once every three days or so, and on this day I am successful. Woot.

Troy walks in and I walk out, kiss kiss hug hug. Off to my massage, which is WAY across town, but he’s that good (thank you Brad). So, from 3-4pm my life rocks. His massage rocks. On the way home I realize I have a 5 hour ride the next day and that I’m out of gels and such. So I stop by Runners Roost to grab some. Then I realize we are out of protein for dinner, so I stop by the store to grab that.

I get home and everyone is awake and hungry. I whip up dinner, watching the clock since I still have workout #4 to get done and my palms are starting to itch.

Dinner done, I throw on my cycling kit, and I’m off on my bike. I don’t want to ride, but sometimes you just have to get out the door. It’s 6pm, I’ve been going full boar for 12 hours, but whatever, just get it done, it’s easy. The blog isn’t called goSonja because I sit around all day.

I get going and a switch flips. I don’t feel good, I’m not having fun (this is VERY rare). I’m trying to convince myself how pretty the lake looks, but all I can think about it how horrible the bumps in the road feel (literally, there are evil bumps/cracks in the road). A few more minutes and the tears start rolling. I can’t even say why, I just know that I’m riding my bike, and I’m crying. Cyclists are flying by me, and tears are streaming down my face.

Okay, Sonja, this is okay, it’s probably just an emotional release, maybe it will pass. I reach down to get some water and I realize I forgot my water bottle at home. And that, my friends, does me in. I loose it at that point. The shoulders are shaking and the tears are rolling. I am a 20 minute ride from home and I call Troy. Mostly I just wanted him to say he would bring me a bottle but he says he’ll come get me. I ride around in circles until he and Annie show up, trying to decide if I will just get a bottle from him and ride on. The strong girl would ride on. But something inside tells me this isn’t a matter of will. This is my body and my mind screaming at me to just simmer down for a second.

Troy shows up and he doesn’t know what to think. He thinks I bonked…20 minutes from home right after dinner. Annie is asking why I’m crying and she’s petting my head. I just sat on the rear bumper and cried like my dog just got hit by a car. Eventually, and mind you I haven’t said a word to Troy, he packs me in the car, takes me home and puts me to bed.

A lot of people ask me how I do it all, how I fit it all in, and I think the answer is “Sometimes I don’t”. I try to fit it all in, I try to keep the people in my life as happy as I am able, but sometimes I do too much, I take on too much. Sometimes I do have to throw up the white surrender flag and call for help. I have to tell Troy “I’m done”. I think the fine line is knowing when you are bowing out due to fear, versus stoping so you can live to fight another day.

Either way, I threw up the white flag on that ride…and on the next day as well. I used the one day break to assess what was holding me up and I ended up packing up Annabelle and I and driving to Troys parents house. I’m now under their roof. They are watching Annie (I love you Marla) and I get to train with less distractions. We’ll hang here for 5 days or so.

36 more days!

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9 Comments

  1. Thanks for your blog, it’s very inspirational. I found your link on Chuckie V’s webpage (also very inspirational). It’s great to read how other people feel while putting in the long hard days, you train harder and are tougher than me, so when I’m feeling like I need a rest or don’t have the energy to stick to my program, from reading your blog I know I have to get serious and just get things done, I can work just that bit harder. Very well done in Kona too, fantastic result!
    Regards
    DT

  2. Highs and lows, lady, highs and lows. Ultimately you’re the type of chic who will ride the highs, get a punch from the lows, kick the lows back and on to surfing the highs again! You’re awesome. Keep on enduring it while smiling, laughing, learning and sometimes crying!

    You’re admired and respected by many.

    Taryn

    PS: PIC coaches a buddy of mine. Does she take on panies like me?

  3. First off, congrats to M.

    Now, let me guess, to get all that stuff done in a day, I figured the secret item # 2 must have been you doing a line of cocaine in the locker room. haha.

    Nice work and nothing feels as good a a nice cry every once and a while.

    I can hardly wait for beers with you in Kona. Er, I mean, I can hardly wait to race Kona. No, no…I really mean, I can hardly wait for beers with you in Kona. But under one condition…..no crying before I “tap you out”. hahaha.

    Actually crying would be fun, I’ve seen it many times, “whaaaaa, my mother never loved me…..whaaaaa……my sister got all the new clothes……etc, etc. Hahahaha.

    Keep up the strong training, you’re going to rock it and if not, you at least have the tightest stomach I’ve ever seen. haha

    B

  4. *hugs* I have definitely started crying in the middle of a run with no way home but on my own feet and not a lot of idea of what caused the breakdown. I’m so glad you were brave enough to cut back when your body demanded it and that you have such a wonderful guy to help take care of you! I know you’ll be back at it no problem after your break.

  5. I think I would have started crying when I put together the “list” of things to do. If not then, I would have definitely been in tears when the alarm went off in the morning.

    So, you have a problem going full boar for more than 12 hours? Lucky for you, you won’t need nearly that long to finish Kona. Oh, and Wonder Woman had a plane (an obvious unfair advantage).

    Sit back, take a deep breath, consult with your team and THEN go kick more a$$.

    All the best,

    Ron

  6. One thing I love about your blog is how honest you are. Some people may have been ashamed to admit that they had a breakdown, cried, and had to put up the white flag. So, thanks for sharing that with us. I’m glad I am not the only one that breaks down on occasion too!
    I think it’s great that you listened to your body and went home to sleep. I think you probably just really needed a physical and mental break from it all.
    I hope you have a great weekend.

  7. First, let me just say that no one gets to cry alone with me around. I thought it was just something I did when I am actually with people but seems I can do it when I read their blogs as well. I was completely crying with you when you were talking about your melt down on the bumper of your car! I hope you could feel my presence! 🙂

    Second, I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that breaks on occasion! I often do way too much and have these breakdowns. And you know what! We always survive!

    Finally, I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend!

  8. At least you were strong enough to realize that you needed rescuing. Some athletes don’t have that switch in their brain, they just keep going and going until they get burnt out. I often wonder if I throw in the towel too brashly, but in the end it has always been a good decision, because Sonja- we are smart people, and we know what our bodies (AND MINDS!) need.

    As an aside, you and Carole need to get on this: http://www.amazon.com/Nair-Removal-Microwave-Bikini-Fresh/dp/B001E6OERO
    Natural, extra wax washes off with warm water, and works like a charm! You can either find a friend or do it yourself (warning, doing it yourself leads to neck craning that doesn’t always feel good). 😀

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