I like to think that I am the type of person, who may make mistakes, but tries hard to learn from them. None of us are perfect, but I like to think that it’s your ability to learn and adapt, along with your attitude that really dictates where you head in this world. I always like to think of myself as a learner, an adapter.

That’s been turned on edge this week. Lessons I have been taught the hard way seem to be coming back at me. I should know how to dress for a long ride with hill repeats, I should know not to ascend too high, and that an extra this and an extra that should always be in my pocket. I should be remembering more than I am. Every workout I seem to forget something, whether it’s water bottles, or my Garmin, or my heart rate strap, or my warm hat, or my co2 cartridge.

I am finding myself learning all these lessons yet again, lessons I have already learned, and it made me ponder whether I am as good of a learner as I think I am.

Last year took quite a bit of finagling to get my workouts in. I try to be here for Annie as much as I can and I utilize child care much less frequently than you would think. It took a lot of learning to figure it all out, yet spring has rolled around and I seem to be in a constant panic as to how I’m going to get in my workouts and what to do with Annie.

When does it get easier? It doesn’t. Every day is a new day, every day requires a new set of skills, whether it’s packing the car the night before, waking up at 5am for the first workout of the day, planning meals for me and the family, etc. Every morning it’s a different game with different rules. Yesterday just the sheer matter that Annie had dance class threw my day for a loop, the delicate balance of the daily schedule (or lack thereof) knocked on end.

When I was at camp in Tucson it was so easy. Life was so easy. Get up, get dressed, eat, workout, eat, workout, eat, workout, eat, sleep. It’s so easy to minimze stress. Just take care of you, just think about you.

 

But my life is not that. I have other responsibilities, and as of recently I’ve pretty much been failing at keeping all the balls in the air. Buying a house threw me over the edge. 12 hours of inspections, sewer guys, roof guys, signing papers thrown into my week completely did me in. I missed a day. The first day in a long long time that I just didn’t train due to other things.

I felt bad, I got frustrated, I wanted to crawl in bed and cry, I did crawl in bed and cry. I get really bummed when I can’t get my workouts in. I was stressed out. I know that stress is the name of the game, and I was stressed, and I was stressed about being stressed. I feel like I let people down (myself included) when I don’t get in my training. So many people, Troy, my family, Chuckie, my sponsors, and you all support me so much in my triathlon pursuits and I feel a sense of responsibility because of that.

I was out running last night. I had one of those runs where you don’t even feel your feet touching the ground. You are effortlessly moving across the earth in a manner that requires zero work. Pure bliss. All of the sudden on the top of butterfly hill I stopped. I felt warm, even though it was chilly. I felt a rush of peace and in one fell swoop I realized.

I’m doing the best I can.

Yes, I realized that one thing. I am doing the best I can, plain and simple. I can not ask any more of myself and when I do it just yields a sense of unease. You all expect nothing more of me, and I need to expect nothing more of myself. My best…it’s good enough, and that’s the bottom line.

I ran home with peace in my heart. I woke up ready for a solid training day today. All is good.

 

Troy, Annie and I leave Denver tomorrow to fly to San Jose. My parents have never hosted Easter at their house for Annie and she’s at that perfect age to party it up. Troy flies home Tuesday evening and Wednesday night Michelle and Megan fly into San Jose. We pack up Thursday and head off in RCKBITR to the Woodstock of triathlon that is Wildflower.

First race of the year.

Goal: Do the best I can.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
health, Mental Training, Travel, Triathlon

Something to say?? Leave a comment here:

Loading Facebook Comments ...

8 Comments

  1. I’m struggling with this myself. Last week I missed FOUR workouts. For someone who has no real responsibilities I hate that that happened, but I’m human, and I’m tired, and I need a break sometime. We all do the best we can. You’re awesome, Sonja!

  2. That missy… is what is going to make you TOUGHER,STRONGER,MORE FOCUSED… not just the training, but training while ball juggling/plate spinning and throw in some Ukulel playing and BAM! YOU ARE QUEEN!!

    No offense to all the Pro’s out there but… they have got it pretty darn good. Eat, Sleep, Train, Massage… repeat.

    I can’t wait to see what bug/monster thingy I am next to my comment. 🙂

  3. The little things in life can’t possibly be as enjoyable when things are always easy. If you could run effortlessly up Butterfly Hill everyday, you probably wouldn’t appreciate it like you did a few nights ago, when things just fell into a perfect rhythm and you found your peace. I think craziness keeps us grounded in a weird roundabout way. And really, let’s be honest; life is crazy hectic insane, but would you have it any other way?

    See you soon.

  4. ABSOLUTELY!!

    Have a great trip and ENJOY it! Can’t wait to cheer you all on at Wildflower (albeit via the interwebz.)

  5. I get the same way when I miss workouts. I hate it! I was so depressed the other day because I thought I might miss my run, and I wish I would have now because I sprained my ankle during it! Haha Be careful what you wish for right? Anyway, you are totally right. You’re doing your best, and that’s all we can do. It’s really hard to juggle being a mom and being a triathlete, and skipping one day is not going to hurt you. You’re doing an awesome job. It sounds like you’ve got a way fun week ahead of you! Have a great time!

Comments close 20 days after the post is written, thanks!