May 10th - Every Day in May

National Mothers Day, or is it International? Either way, it’s the day we pick to honor life giving, love giving, maternal energy. There are a lot of ways to define it for oneself, and a lot of ways to feel loss as well. I am such a work in progress on days like today, large potential for growth. All the more reason to double down on my #everydayinmay framework.

Health is Physical:

I let my foot heal up today after yesterdays long run and I’m glad I did. It was getting a little bit too sore for my liking and being that I am notoriously healthy and injury free, I was not going to push my luck. For my physical action today we walked around the neighborhood as a family, getting in steps and enjoying each others company. We talked about motherhood, parenting, and what it’s like to be a teenager. I’m so thankful for walks and talks like these, they fuel me.

I also foam rolled, stretched my calves with bands, and used my crazy body massager gun thing that repeatedly hits you for fun. Strange world we live in.

Health is Mental/Emotional:

After posting a photo of the moment I first held Annie after birthing her to my Instagram today I burst into tears. Holidays are really hard days for me, and I have my tools to make the most of them, but there are times when I break down. Troy got me up and said “let’s go outside on the patio and get a change of scenery.” After a few tearful minutes my eyes landed on two planters of succulents we have out there that are wildly overgrown and most likely root bound. I looked at him and said “can we replant those?” And for the next two hours that’s exactly what we did.

I have been through too much life to question things like this. When I go from deep sadness, to hands in soil in a matter of minutes, I know that’s what my emotional body is craving. Today, freeing those plants and giving them a better life is what I needed to stay on solid emotional ground. I’m sure there is a book out there on the healing power of gardening. I used to hate gardening and had zero interest until I slowed down. Gardening has always showed me my lack of patience and consistency, something I wasn’t ready to work on for a long time. But now that I am strengthening my patience and consistency muscles, gardening is a lot more fun. Thank you succulents!

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

Health is Spiritual:

I’ve been saving Emmanuel’s Book II for a rough day where I knew I would need a heavy dose of spiritual reminders. I haven’t read a page, it’s been tucked up in my closet for months just waiting for the right time. The Choice for Love. Today I pulled it down and took the pages slowly. I’ve read the first book many times and to turn the fresh pages is a real treat.

When I think about the title, The Choice for Love, I have to admit that I get kinda stuck on the concept of Love sometimes. I mean, I love Troy and Annie. I know that for sure, I love where I live, I love singing loudly in my car, I love sea urchin shells, my favorite purple blanket, sleeping in, popcorn. It seems like love is big and small, are there gradations?

It only took 8 pages until this:

The definition of love alters so readily to suit the circumstance that the word ceases to have any definite meaning.

—Emmanuel’s Book II

I had a crazy experience in an Uber four years ago that lead me to moving from Denver to Los Osos (one of several signs that I ultimately chose to follow). I had what I call an “Uber Guru” on the way to the San Diego airport, a man that looked me in the eye through the rear view mirror after some small talk and said very directly “We don’t have much time, would you like the answers?” At first my brain said “weird” and then something deeper said “shut up Sonja and nod your head,” which I did. He told me that I had mastered both the physical realm and the mental realm, and that I was stuck on the heart level. I remember looking at him through the rear view mirror from the back seat and nodding and saying “I know.”

He said that my daughter was my teacher and my husband was put on this Earth to serve me. I nodded and said “I know.” I had not told him I had a daughter or a husband. He told me to focus on my heart and on Love. Then he dropped me curbside. We hugged and he said “I wasn’t sure why I was supposed to drive today, but now I know” and then he got in his Honda Accord and drove away. The next move in life I knew I could take that would be in service to my heart and to Love, was to move back to the place where I felt I had left my heart, bleeding in the sand, when we moved away when I was 15, and that was Los Osos.

And so we moved.

And to think I still struggle with the concept of Love. I think I get lazy with love, more than I struggle. I lose focus, and lose remembering. And only a few pages into this book, I am realizing all the ways that fear creeps back in to make me forget love and what being connected into it feels like daily.

There are no guarantees.

From the viewpoint of fear none are strong enough.

From the viewpoint of love none are necessary.

- Emmanuel’s Book II

Insights

Ten days into my little experiment, 1/3 complete and I’m excited for the middle section. I’m feeling fully in my groove, and sleep is the most amazing thing in the world. I have never had 10 days of waking up feeling totally rested in a row. It’s pretty awesome. I’ve got to double down on Love the rest of the month, I feel pulled to do so, to keep it top of mind.

Until tomorrow… in good health.