May 24th - Every Day in May

Whelp. I assumed at some point in Every Day in May I would miss a day and yesterday was that day. Embracing imperfection is a strength and that’s what I’m going to do. I didn’t do three healthy things yesterday, in fact, I did the opposite and actually had fun with it. I slept in, napped, got a little intoxicated, didn’t exercise, went shopping, and passed out on the couch. It was a win!

But today I was back on my Every Day in May kick, and it felt good to get back to things. I really do love hunting for the healthy actions each day, it takes time and intention, but I’m generally really stoked on the process and the results.

Health is Physical:

I ran with Annie today for her longest run ever at 52 minutes. I think of Annie as such a stud, and so strong, and it’s easy for me to forget that her running training has only just begun! When I think about the little 12 year old that hiked 19 mile days with a pack on her back across the entire Sierras, it’s hard for me to think that a 52 minute run would make her nervous, but new things are new and the brain is funny like that. I also had some personal worries about holding 8 minute pace for her entire run, and then had to gently remind myself that I have run thousands of miles at that pace, and it is slower than my Ironman run pace. Yes, it’s been a hot minute since I was competitive in Ironman, but come on Sonja, where’s the confidence?

The run went 100% awesome. We both held pace just fine and ran well, and all was good. I’ve run around 45 miles three weeks in a row now and I think I can safely up my mileage to 50-52 this coming week, but only if it comes from fun and feels easy. I can tell my body is over the hump of the initial adaptation. Running is easier, it’s faster, the speed work is coming easier. So it’s time to up the mileage and maybe add a skosh of structure. All in good fun though.

Health is Mental/Emotional:

I had my weekly call with my bestie Pri today and we had the most amazing connected conversation. Everyone should have a friend that they can talk to like I can talk to Pri. Open, honest, vulnerable, and never any judgement. She and I have always jammed spiritually and we can get super hippie dippie together which I love. She has introduced me to so many books, podcasts, blogs that have opened me up to new sides of myself and even though we are on separate coasts, I feel like she’s next door when we talk. Thanks Pri!

Health is Spiritual

I was back into Care for the Soul today diving into Narcissus, and narcissism and it’s meaning within the soul. I covered the narcissism and codependence cycle very thoroughly in my years of therapy and so I was very curious what Moores interpretation would be. In therapy we talk a lot about being “in tune” or “in tact” as separate ends of the spectrum, being super all the way “in tact” is narcissism and super “in tune” is codependent. We had to outline this dynamic for me because it was at the core of how I was showing up in my relationships, often allowing the other persons emotional health to dictate which end of the spectrum I showed up on. So we talked at length about the middle ground and recognizing when someone was being codependent with me, and how that made the narcissism in me come out and what to do about it. Heavy stuff that I am summarizing really quickly here just to say that I’m really interested in the subject and Moores thoughts on it.

This stood out:

Narcissism has no soul. In narcissism we take away the soul’s substance, its weight and importance, and reduce it to an echo of our own thoughts.

— Thomas Moore

We all have that seed inside us, I feel it in me sometimes. He describes:

A self-absorption and containment that allows no connections of the heart. It is hard as a rock and repels all approaches of love. Obsessive, but not genuine, self-love leaves no room for intimacy with another. The echoing aspect of narcissism - the feeling that everything in the world is only a reflection of oneself - doesn’t want to give away power.

But as you start to ask bigger and deeper questions, especially surrounding the soul, it’s impossible to remain in this place. Just the asking requires one to step out of this dynamic and consider alternatives. My background is such a hodge-podge of attitudes towards spirituality, I’m really thankful for that variety. When many different opinions are in your immediate circle it normalizes having your own opinion, and that has been a gift. The intersection of soul and psychotherapy is such a fascination of mine these days.

Insights

Today was some good stuff. I’m glad to be back on the bandwagon after yesterday and excited to finish out about a week more of Every Day in May. My little experiment has really showed me that for being a person who hates routine and pushes against it all the time, there are some themes that need to stay present in my life to keep me on solid ground. Writing is a big one, learning is another. Exercise is up there too.

Until tomorrow… in good health.