Lopsided

The journey continues. February, poof, gone just like that. I've been training. Doing some different stuff actually, lots of bicep curls. Haha! No, really, I've just had a different outlook this season, it's felt more like a secret covert mission. More like how much stupid fun stuff can I do and still train for an Ironman. But you see, the Ironman is in Brazil, it's not like any of you will be there. It's covert, good luck finding the results, I can't ever seem to. We travel really far, mostly there to have fun, and then I race my ass off for 10 hours...maybe less...maybe more. No Troy to tell me where I'm at, he'll be on the course with me. Probably no heart rate strap, maybe no watch, definitely no power. Just me for 10 hours of pain/awesome/ouch/Grr/gogogogo, and then about 10 days of pure amazonian adventure. If it seems skewed, it's because it is, on purpose.

That's how triathlon training should be. See the races are really short, even the long ones, so there should be lots of fun in-between. You can be serious on race day, and at the end of hard runs, and when sad songs come on your iPod. But the rest of the time, well, why so serious? Why so Type A? How about a bit-o-sass.

Annie gets it, she lives it and she's such a wonderful inspiration. She sits next to me now, like a bumbling hive of energy. At any moment she may run 10 laps around our bedroom, or jump on the bed trying to reach for the roof, or will turn to me and just nuzzle in. She's just such a reminder to stay in the moment of life, to chase what feels fun and silly, and to not be so serious.

This is a problem of mine, the over seriousning (not a word) of absolutely EVERYTHING. Bheh, I make myself sick sometimes. Troy and I were having a chat at lunch today, basically discussing my faults. It was an awesome conversation, and it went on for quite awhile, after all, my flaws are many. But it was an honest one, the kind of honest that I only entertain from very few people in my life. We agreed that much of the time, my biggest problem in life, is that I have trouble coping with my awesome life.

Literally, that is the way we decided to put it. I get overwhelmed with my own life, a life that is absolutely ideal in every way, shape, and form. I have trouble coping with a long to do list. I have trouble coping with large amounts of responsibility. If you look close I am an underachiever. I'm a mom, but only 1 kid. I stay home, but detest housework, sitting down for dinner, grocery shopping, or laundry. I don't work, unless you count coaching, which you shouldn't because I get oodles more from my athletes than I give. I spend the middle of most days training, coaching, and relaxing, and sadly I get overwhelmed by that at times.

Apollo....now here's and example of someone who never gets overwhelmed by the awesomeness of their own life.

But hey, it's me! I'm me! I kinda like me, I've worked hard to like me. What a sad statement. I've got my shit, and therefore I try to keep my life simple for a reason (TRY). I don't handle the opposite very well. I'm at my best with a life where I have singular focus. I think it's what makes me a strong triathlete. When I'm out on the bike, or the run, or swimming, I'm there completely. I'm not wishing I was elsewhere very often, I'm in the moment. I take charge, I'm a leader, and it's because I love total singular focus. I'm intense, been told that several times. If you ever meet me when I am "working" (whatever that may be...remember, I don't work) you'll think wowah...this girl is a bit intense. She smiles a lot...but she a little bat shit crazy too.

A case of the intense hit me a few days ago and I went off my rocker. My poor closet was the victim, and after I was done with it, this was in the hallway...

Don't worry, I didn't throw away my Freak...just the stupid briefcase that it came in. Come on people, it's a wetsuit, and as much as I felt like a cool kid for all 15 minutes after walking around with my Freak of Nature briefcase...I soon realized I'm a complete dork-face walking around with a wetsuit in a briefcase. Talk about intense...

And this was the closet afterwards. And let me tell you, while I was pruning the poor thing there was no other task in my life. I was made to purge my closet, put on the earth at that moment for that single task. I did nothing else but cut out every single superfluous item from a 6x8 square of my belongings. But the effect was calming, and after it was done, I could move on with life, albeit, with very little left to wear.

So, ya know, this year is going to be different, it's already been different. Scratch that last bit...this year IS different. I'm taking myself on a crazy ride. It's going to be better, mostly because my head is either going to be on more straight, OR, I'm gonna accept that it's crooked for the time being. Crooked is good, everyone needs some of them to be a bit lopsided at times. It's like perfect teeth...I'm always skeptical of someone with perfect teeth. A little flaw in there, some yellowing, or some intertwined bottom teeth prove that your human. Nobody wants to look at a perfect smile.

As I continue down the journey that is this year, I'm going to continue to see things differently. I'm going to try to not get as overwhelmed with the awesomeness of my life, a task I know I will continue to fail at on occasion. But when I fail at it, I will get back up and try again. That's all I can really task myself with. Keep trying to be better, and to leave others better than you found them. That too.