I can not thank all of you enough for your comments, calls, emails, facebook comments, etc. Something each of you said touched my heart and really helped me get over this hump and back up on the hoarse again. Many of you (Hillary, Cami, Laura) were accepting of my emotions and gave me the insight to let the natural process fuel my future progress, I really thank you for that insight, it's a recommendation I couldn't come up with when I was in the thick of it.
I really appreciated Dan's comment that with any qualifying process someone is in that "just out of reach" spot. It was comforting and at the same time gave me a different perspective. There is someone in every age group that wished they had gone a few seconds faster to nab that precious slot. But, as Dan pointed out as well, that 21st slot can light a fire underneath you. And, if you think about it, you can't PAY for that kind of motivation!
Laurie said that she will draw on my experience and strength when reaching for her own goals. There really is no bigger compliment, very cathartic I must say.
Jumper asked my why I race? And he was so right, I race for so many different reasons and if I had to give one reason it would be: I race to inspire others, to show them that anyone can choose to live a healthy life. And really, my main goal was completely unaffected by all of this.
Mom, thanks for blaming yourself. Yes, you should have had me a year later, but then I probably would have been a boy and you would have had much bigger issues on you hands, as Willis boys tend to be a handful (look at Dad).
Doug, what can I say, giving me some goaltender advise is so much appreciated. I was headed in such a bad direction a few days ago that your advise really made me realize that if I continue to spiral downwards, I'm just punishing myself, and my future efforts. I wrote some of your words on a 3x5 card and they will stay with me for a long time.
Michelle, my PIC, was really there, wanting to help and comfort, and I resisted that. I want to thank her for her efforts, and let her know that she did help me. My good friends always pat me on the back when I do well, and Michelle is there to pat me on the back when I'm mad and angry. A big thanks to her.
An email from Dave was really when I started to see the forrest through the trees. Thank you Dave for your email.
And lastly, Troy and Steve. Wow. I know Steve doesn't read my blog, except when he's forced to by me not talking to him (Sorry:)). Troy and I went over to Steve's yesterday and had a really long and therapeutic talk about this. It was really helpful. I feel so blessed that I have two guys in my life who care so much about me that they are willing to sit in a room with a crying girl and work through things. That's usually a "blessing" only bestowed upon Troy. I can't say enough Thank You's. I was given some homework to do, and Steve gave me a way me take this experience and use it to help my future experiences in a very tangible, real, tailored for Sonja, way. He really is a great coach, but more than that, a great friend, and mentor. I can't speak highly enough of him.
Once again, many large and warm thanks to all of you that let me be a little angry, but also reminded me to get though it and to learn from it.