Wow, things are starting to wind down. I have two more triathlons this year. Both are Olympic distance. In two weeks my 2007 tri season will be finished. It’s a hard thing for me to think about. Next weekend is Rattlesnake and the weekend after that is Jordanelle in Park City...the finale! It’s not at all bitter-sweet...it’s just bitter. I want more. I want another tri to mark on the schedule. I feel this strong need to keep going...keep doing more...keep getting better at something. So the thought of scaling back, and resting...pretty much totally freaks me out. I’m already talking “marathon” in the off season, and getting excited about snowshoe races to come. I have been racing often since November 2006 (30 races to date) and my mind knows it’s time to slow down, but the rest of me...my soul...doesn’t want to.
At the bottom of the fear is the weight issue. I started this process to loose those baby pounds and now I am scared of “finding” them again. When I train hard, I eat well because my body needs good healthy food in it to function properly...and if I slip up or indulge, well, I’m burning so many calories most days that it comes out in the wash. BUT, off season means that my calories requirement will go down, as should my consumption, and that’s hard for me. Especially if I am feeling like I should be “resting”...then I know my mind will gravitate to food, and absent minded eating.
I think the fear also boils down to accountability. I lost this weight, but when the times get tough and things slow down can I hold it together? Did I truly make a lifestyle change when it comes to eating, or did I just trade an eating habit with a triathlon habit? Time will tell.