I'm done hiding...
34 months ago I went into hiding.
hide (verb): to conceal for shelter or protection
It was a Friday in October of 2017 when my life came to a halt.
I experienced an extreme mental health event.
It was unexpected.
It was as if the me I knew to be me was a teapot that got knocked to the floor and shattered.
Come Monday I was looking at a pile of shattered pieces with no idea how to put any of them back together.
My husband closed the triathlon coaching business I was trying really hard to make successful. I laid in bed for 4 months in a swarm of anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, fear, despair, loneliness, anger, and sadness.
The feelings washed over me in waves for months as I worked through the reasons why everything became so unstable so quickly.
As my work progressed I would get a few days of joy and aliveness between the depression and the more work I did, the more good days between the despair. It moved very slowly, this cycle. It was boring sometimes too.
I cleared the table of "my life" and consciously brought back one by one the actions+relationships+adventures that felt healthy and positive and made me light up.
The rebuilding was like syrup, slow and sticky but also sweet at times, it had to be.
My life depended on it.
Over the years, the pieces of the teapot came back together into something that holds tea but isn't quite a pot.
More of a hodgepodge tea holding non-pot.
I came back alive as the woman that loved to be vulnerable, share her experiences and at her heart is an adventurer, a storyteller, and a teacher. But this time with boundaries, purpose, and a strong spiritual center.
I vowed never to let her go again, never to stray far from her purpose, and to seek only experiences that felt bright and exciting.
That journey led me to one of the biggest races in the world, with a wonderful story of how that happened that I will save for another day.
The Worlds Toughest Race: Eco - Challenge Fiji was a full body, bright light bulb, yes in my soul, deeply affirming experience.
A chance to put myself out there physically, mentally, and emotionally, face my fears and talk to the demons that were still inside. It airs this week on Amazon Prime of Friday (8/14/2020) and while I don’t know what the footage will look like or portray, I do know that for me it puts an end to keeping hidden what I have to offer the world.
Officially stepping back into the light…this time with equal parts toughness and tenderness.
I’ve got an email dropping this week with online watch party details. Join me, come chat with me. I’m here to share stories, experiences and ah-hahs.
Lots of new stuff coming down the pipeline from me in the next few weeks.
Time to light up the world with what I have to offer.
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