On Sunday I remember Chuckie saying "Just get through today and I promise that tomorrow will be rest". And I did...just get through it. I got it all done, and there was strength and grit in there, but man was I looking forward to the beginning of this week. I knew this week would be lower volume, lower intensity. Rest, recovery, flopping, walking, spinning, air, pillows, bubbles, fluff.

Most triathletes loathe rest. They want to go go go, work work work. We are a type A bunch and I'll admit, I'm no different. Until now. I worked my fanny off for this rest and I am so happy it's here. I have done every single workout the last 2 weeks in it's entirety, with the intent that it was assigned, even adding in several "extra credit" masters sessions (with approval from CV...okay more like urging than approval).

I got an email from Chuckie today saying that I must be tired because there are numerous grammar and spelling mistakes in my last blog post. In a way, that email was like seeing myself from the outside. It made me look within and admit, yes, I'm TIRED. I've been trying to not "feel" it, to just let myself recover without fully admitting just how much I needed the recovery. Part of me wishes I was chomping at the bit through this recovery because that might mean that I didn't need it as much as I really do, maybe it would mean that I'm stronger than everyone thinks. But that email from coach woke me up and reminded me to admit to what I am feeling right this moment. I am strong, and I am tired too. It's ok Sonja, you can be both.

So, what do I feel like? Well, first off, very aloof. Like my brain is on vacation, sitting on a beach, slightly drunk. For the last day and a half I have floated through the hours, not thought about much or done much. I've fixed food, and played with Annie, but I just haven't been very sharp and I definitely haven't been productive in any way, shape, or form. We had Annie's friend Kat over yesterday and I spent most of the day thinking like a 4 year old, and liking it.

Secondly I feel puffy. Like my eyes and my lips feel puffy. It might have something to do with the 11 hours of sleep both Sunday and Monday nights. But yes, there must be some water retention going on. I do feel like my lips are very kissable right now, so that's a good thing! Bring it on Troy!

Thirdly, heavy. Yup, just full, loaded, and heavy. Not on the scale, but just lacking a pep in my step. We live on the third floor and Annie is beating me up the stairs. I'm not taking them two at a time like usual, it's more like one...step...at...a...time.

Fourthly, forgetful. If I promised you something this week, I have most likely forgotten. If we were supposed to go to lunch, you might want to call and remind me of that fact. This is part of the aloofness I suppose, but really my brain is on vacation. I forget to switch the laundry, I forget something I put in the microwave, I walk to the bathroom and forget what I went there to do (should be obvious). Just plain spacey.

Although this post may seen a bit down, I don't see it that way, and I'm not asking for any sympathy. Despite feeling aloof, puffy, heavy, and forgetful I'm actually happy, upbeat, and VERY VERY proud of the way the training is going thus far. My mood is not sad or depressed, I'm just tired, spacey, and in need of rest. But I really wanted to write a blog post on it because I want to show you what this process is like in an honest way. I'm not the kind of blogger that just catalogues the happy fun times. I'll try to convey to you what it feels like to need rest, and what it feels like to take that rest. I know in a few days I will be back and going strong again. Nothing is injured or hurting too too bad. I know that Chuckie knows all about this stuff. He knew I would feel this way long before I did. And he will know when I'm ready to hit it again as well, so don't worry about that (if you are).

This is just honest. It is what it is. We've all been there I think. We have all denied to ourselves just how tired we are. Well, I'm not. I've just said it, and now I can rest and get through it.

Something that surprises me is that despite feeling tired, I'm still oddly motivated. Maybe not "oddly" but I just expected to loose motivation and drive when I'm tired and I haven't. I look forward to the hard weeks ahead, I look forward to the training, and becoming even more bombproof. It all feels very calculated. Please excuse all grammar and spelling issues.

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