I want to thank everyone who has called or commented regarding my last post. Went out and did what I do best yesterday. Ran my ass off.

At times the tears were rolling.

At times I was laughing.

I'm trying to be such a big girl for all of you. Trying to pick myself up, and to hide my weakness from all of you. Trying to show you that I have this great attitude, despite adversity.

All I can come up with is anger.

I work so fricking hard, so hard. I've ridden my bike all over this damn state. I run my butt off. And I give it my all in the pool. I watch what I eat, I remain disciplined, I barely ever have a drink. I'm not just throwing a half-ass effort at this. It doesn't come easy for me. You may think it does because I try to keep a good attitude, but the truth is I have to work 100 times over for any gains I make. Including the attitude.

14 fricking seconds. But of course the chick was 7 minutes and 46 seconds BEHIND me in the race because she started in a different wave, because she's in a different stinking age group. How am I supposed to compete with that? The girl who I raced at the finish and beat...yea, she gets a guaranteed slot now because with all the ladies moving out of the age group she in now miraculously 16th. I'm an altruistic kinda girl. One who believes in fair, in truth. It all infuriates me.

All I can come up with through this is an intense desire to become a fierce, intense, ass kicking girl. I want to throw the good attitude out the stinking window and become that girl that I fight not to be. You know the intimidating unapproachable one?

I leave you with some American Idol wisdom:

Hurry up and wait So close, but so far away Everything that you've always dreamed of Close enough for you to taste But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it You know you can if you get the chance In your face as the door keeps slamming Now you're feeling more and more frustrated And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take One step at a time ---Jordin Sparks

Some of you may not agree with this post...my blog, my emotions. Let's not paint lipstick on the pig.